Online Therapy vs Face to Face, Plus FAQ

Online Versus Face-to-Face Therapy

Online therapy is a new, fast growing and so far little researched field, with very specific characteristics, which entice some and horrify others! Why choose it over the traditional face to face meeting?

Here are some reasons:

1. you cannot access face to face services because you are unable to leave your house, or because you live in an area where such services are simply not available, or available only in a language in which you do not communicate fluently
2. you may have a lifestyle which makes a regular commitment to physical meetings difficult to maintain, and value the flexibility of being able to write in various places and at various times
3. you may find it easier to communicate in writing
4. you may find it easier to ‘open up’ and to reveal feelings and thoughts which are difficult for you in writing and without the physical presence of another person
5. you may find it helpful to have everything which happens in therapy written down to refer to later

Here are some reasons why online therapy might not be the best choice, although I don’t think that any of these cannot be resolved, if circumstances lead you to consider online counselling anyway…

1. you may not feel that you can get your point, or ‘yourself’ across fully when communicating in words alone
2. you may feel that you need an immediate response, or the physical presence of the therapist to reassure you or facilitate the process
3. you may suspect that the ‘disinhibiting’ effect of working online may actually encourage you to open up too fast, or ‘too much’ for your own comfort
4. you may have a strong tendency to fantasise about the therapist and imagine that they are what you want them to be (good or bad!). This is perfectly possible in face to face work as well, but may be more likely in online work.
5. you may feel unable to cope with online security considerations

Real life versus Online Presence

Personally I love the dance of communication, the silences, looks, sighs, body language, the physical sense of emotions and thoughts that hang in the room within and between two individuals. I love my face to face work and am not about to give it up. But there are many ways of being present.

Life is changing fast and we are inventing ever new ways of working, living, being together and communicating. I don’t believe that our experiences are diluted by these new forms, I believe that people bring the same resources to their communication, be it a text message or a candlelit dinner, although people of different generations, cultures and classes may consider ‘their’ way to be the purest.

Sometimes, strangely, intimacy can flourish in an atmosphere of concentration and solitude. Every written communication also has its own personal flavour, atmosphere, sound, if we tune in to pick it up.

Why Counselling at all?

Human beings have survived for so long using other systems of support — families, religions, various social groups. We could endlessly discuss whether therapy encourages a focus on the individual self and personal freedom, and if that is a good thing.

My own personal experience is that noticing, being with, attending to what is actually happening inside and around us always brings some degree of change. You could call it positive change, but I prefer to call it, as Gendlin does, going in the “direction of fresh air”. And it is often easier to do this work of noticing and attending with a trustworthy companion alongside.

But that is just my experience with clients who choose to work with me. Research shows that therapy is effective, and all approaches are equally effective (for discussion of the evidence see here) — it’s a question of choosing an approach that suits you.

FAQ

How long will it take?

‘It’ means something different for every client! Some people feel they only need a few therapy sessions, others carry on long-term. We often start with six sessions before having a review of what is working and what is not, what direction we are moving in, and what our goals might be. The decision of when to end is best discussed with the counsellor, but it always belongs to the client.

Can I start counselling with you if we know each other already?

Afraid not.

Do you diagnose or give advice?

The short answer is no. I am not qualified to diagnose anyone. Giving advice is a trickier question. My aim is to be alongside the client, not in the position of an expert telling them what to do. But I may well make suggestions which you are free to do with as you please.

Do you use any particular counselling techniques?

I don’t use techniques ‘on’ the client, no. But I might offer knowledge or suggestions of ways forward using various ‘techniques’ if they fit the situation and the client. I personally find focusing and mindfulness techniques very helpful, as well as creative arts such as writing, journalling and drawing.

Does Buddhism influence your counselling?

Not at all in a ‘religious’ sense, unless the client is a Buddhist and wants to bring it in. I feel that mindfulness, compassion, acceptance and an ability to ‘unhook’ slightly from your own thoughts and feelings are key to effective therapy, but Buddhists of course have no monopoly on these things.

Doesn’t listening to people’s problems depress you?

No. While I sometimes feel desperately sad, or angry, at the suffering people go through, I also see the amazing resources which they find to survive and eventually, to thrive. It is a pleasure and privilege to be part of that.